The ABC's of Sirius Black
by Gred.then.Forge
Summary: Lily suggests Sirius does something to keep himself occupied when he is sent to the library. Needless to say, she is not amused by the result. ONE SHOT. By: FORGE


**A/N: So, the plot bunny jumped into my head at around 4 AM, and I just had to write this…be warned, it's pretty pointless. **

**And a huge thanks to my lovely cousin and co-writer, Gred, for being a wonderful editor. (:**

**-Forge**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, even if I wish Sirius was mine…**

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><p>"LILYYYYY! LILLLLLYYYYYYYYY! LLIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYY!" Sirius' voice became higher and whinier with each time he said her name. "LILLYYYYYYYYYYY!"<p>

"WHAT!" Lily turned around in her seat and stared angrily at the obnoxious boy. Her face was red and she was breathing heavily. Lily Evans does _not_ like it when people interrupt her reading.

"I'm booooorrreeed." Sirius began to bounce up and down like a little child, knocking down a few books from Lily's stack in the process.

The prefect let out a loud huff as she raised a single eyebrow. "Remind me again _Black, why are you _in the library?"

Sirius opened his mouth to argue but shut it instantly. He had to agree on this one. The ginger had a point. Sirius Black does not read, nor does he like being quite, and Madam Pince is creepy. Instead of arguing he rolled his eyes as if to say, _"Isn't it obvious?"_ At that he received a pointed look from Lily. "Fine! McGonagall said I should spend more time in here."

Well that she could believe, but what she couldn't believe was— " And you actually listened?"

Sirius opened his eyes in shock and let out a boisterous grunt. " Why is that so hard to believe?" The handsome boy then shot her a look of mock horror before continuing, "As I was saying before you rudely changed the topic, I'M BORED!"

"And?"

"And you always hang out here so I suppose you know something I could do."

"How about you... Oh I don't know— READ for merlin's sake! After all this is a LIBRARY and people come here to READ."

"Ouch no need to shout." He stuck a finger in his ear and proceeded to wiggle it around. "I think I've gone deaf! Merlin please, I'm TOO YOUNG!"

Lily couldn't help but let out a small giggle at his over dramatization, "Oh, shut up."

"Besides," he continued as if Lily hadn't interrupted, "the only people who read are you, Moony, and Snivellus. It's no question you're all mental."

"Hey! Reading is—" But of course this is Sirius Black and there is really no point in arguing because he probably won't listen anyway. "How about you pick out a book for Remus?"

"Why the _hell _would I do that?"

"To be nice?"

"Why the _hell _would I do that?"

_Don't get angry Lily. He is a lost cause. Give him some busy work. That'll get him out of your hair. _"How about you... Make a list?"

"A list?" Sirius questioned incredulously.

"Yeah... A list." Lily shrugged, really wanting to cringe at the horrid suggestion. Even he isn't_ that_ thick.

"What kind of list?"

Lily was half relieved that he didn't question the stupidity of the suggestion. "Erm, any kind of list?" _Facepalm._

"Oh." Lily was expecting Sirius to howl with laughter and not just at the suggestion, but at her as well. "Okay!"

_What? _Did he really just accept the idea of making a list? Well that was easier than she thought. Still in a phase of shock she raised her eyebrows bewilderedly before her lips broke out into a smirk. She'd be able to read in silence at last.

For the next twenty minutes Sirius began scribbling madly as he furrowed his brows in deep thought. Whatever this list was it sure had to be halfway decent because of all the time he was putting into it.

"I'M DONE!"

Lily jumped in her seat and opened her eyes widely until they doubled in size. A warning would have been nice, but instead Sirius had to shout while she was immersed in her book.

"So you wanna hear it? Huh? Huh?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

"Not particularly, no..." Lily made sure to mutter under her breath as she silently cursed.

"What was that Lily-flower?" That nickname was normally reserved for James and James only, but seeing as it was Sirius' turn to pester her he thought it would be a useful little touch.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing," she said, keeping her teeth clenched as she spoke.

"Great! Well here it goes!" Straightening his back he cleared his throat and read.

"The ABC'S of Sirius Orion Black: " Lily groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. She told him to write a list and this is what he came up with?

"A is for Awesomer than Evans."

"But Awesomer isn't even a word! " Honestly, the boy is so obtuse.

"Don't interrupt!

B is for Beautimus hair,

C is for Constantly glowing prettily,

D is for Daring and brave,

E is for Even smarter than Lily,"

"HEY!" Beautimus? Glowing pretty? What the _hell_?"

Sirius only puffed out his chest more and continued as if Lily hadn't spoken.

"F is for Famous for his fabulous good looks,

G is for Ginormously awesome personality,

H is for H-A-W-T,

I is for 'I am great!',

J is for Jealous Evans is of my beauty,"

"WAIT!" Lily stared at him with her emerald-green daggers. Her face was visibly getting redder and redder by the moment, almost matching her hair. "Jealous Evans is? That doesn't even remotely make sense grammatically!"

"Tut, tut Evans. Don't interrupt." After clearing his throat once more he continued.

"K is for Krazy handsome—"

"Crazy starts with a C, you moron!" The ginger was fuming out of anger yet a part of her wanted to hear the rest... She let him continue, but reluctantly.

"L is for luscious locks,

M is for More pudding because it's good,

N is for Never ending amazingness,

O is for Our peers who love me so,

P is for Piles of roses I receive on Valentines Day,

Q is for Quarantine because I think it's a funny word,

R is for my Radiant smile,

S is for So _so_ charming,

T is for Talented,

U is for 'U are gorgeous!',

V is for Vivacious, whatever that means,

W is for Wonderful person,

X is for X-_treme_,

Y is for Yodeling because someday I will learn how,

AND last but not least:

Z is for Z-bra because I don't think Lily wears one!"

As the list continued on Lily let out audible groans and her mouth seemed to open as each letter passed. Only was it when Sirius reached "Z" that Lily shut her mouth and jumped out of her seat causing a few more books to topple off the table, joining those that Sirius had knocked down earlier. "I've got a more accurate list for you!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows and slowly took five small steps back expecting Lily to blow up like a bomb at any given minute. She was angrier than Sirius had ever seen her, and that's including all the times James tried to "woo" her. Lily angry was not a good sight to see. The ginger started her "list" without warning and spat each letter out with an equal amount of anger.

"A is for Annoying arse,

B is for Bigheaded,

C is for Crazy mental,

D is for Dumb git,

E is for Everlasting pain in the buttocks,"

"I am not an everlasting pain in the—"

"F is for Fatal accident that I'm about to cause you,

G is for Giant ego,

H is for Hotheaded,"

At this point her anger was starting to slowly ware off and she was beginning to have fun.

"I is for Irritating baboon,

J is for a Jab in the mouth that you'll be getting soon,

L is for Lame,

M is for Morbid…and you probably don't know what that means…

N is for Nosey,

O is for Oh so pestering,

P is for Pompous, perverted, prat,"

"Pompous? What the _hell _is that—"

"Q is for Quarantine because I'm sure it won't be long before you're in it,"

"HEY! You can't use Quarantine, I used Quarantine. That's cheating Lily! So unoriginal. So you have to—"

"R is for RUDE,

S is for Sirius is stupid,

T is for treacherous behavior,

U is for Ugly,"

Sirius let out a loud gasp at this one.

"V is for Vexatious,

W is for Wart,

X is for X amount of times more annoying than James,

Z is for Z-bra because I do wear one— And no you can not see it!"

Lily let out one last puff before a smile crept onto her face. Yes, she was satisfied.

"L is for lame?" Sirius burst out into laughter, "I... Thought... You... Would... Do... Better... But... I... Was... Wrong...!" He could hardly form a coherent sentence, let alone stop laughing in between words.

Lily rolled her eyes and smiled, "Well I had to make my list on the spot. You on the other hand had a whole twenty minutes and it was still pathetic."

Sirius pretended to look hurt but shrugged and began to walk towards the door. Right as he opened it he turned and called out to Lily, "Hey maybe I'll come to the library more often."

Lily shook her head and lightly dropped it on the table as she silently cursed, "Damn."

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><p><strong>AN: If you read this one shot until the end then CONGRATULATIONS! Please R E V I E W (:**


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